Freedom to Love Read online

  Katy snatched her hand away. ‘It’s only my signet ring turned round the other way. See?’ she turned it back.

  ‘Why?’ His eyes were narrowed, as cold as the glacier.

  ‘Well, because I—I didn’t want people to think we were just living together!’ Her eyes pleaded for his understanding.

  He was unmoved. ‘And I don’t want people thinking we’re married,’ he snapped angrily. ‘Unless you’re prepared to take all that a wedding ring implies. Are you?’

  ‘No,’ she hastily denied.

  ‘Then don’t make any claims on me, in any way,’ he ordered grimly. ‘Do I make myself clear?’

  ‘Yes,’ Katy said miserably.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  SHE lowered her head, transferring the ring to the other hand. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I only did it for the best,’ she added miserably.

  ‘Not my best!’ Adam was still furiously angry.

  ‘She was rather attractive.’

  ‘She?’ he frowned.

  ‘That girl. I’m sorry if I ruined things for you with her. I didn’t realise you knew her.’

  Adam sighed. ‘I don’t. I just met her with Jud. And you didn’t ruin anything, she happens to be married to a very muscular Park Warden.’

  ‘Oh!’

  He handed her a plate. ‘Eat your food.’

  ‘I don’t think I’m hungry.’

  ‘Eat it!’ he ordered. ‘Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to waste food?’

  Contrition washed over her. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t think… Of course I’ll eat it.’ After all he had told her about those starving children she had turned down food! She was an idiot, and wholly deserved his contempt.

  The chop was like nothing she had ever tasted before. It was lovely, and she ate every morsel.

  ‘That’s better.’ Adam’s good humour seemed to be returning. ‘I’ve noticed you’re always calmer when you’ve eaten,’ he mocked.

  ‘So are you,’ Katy returned pertly.

  ‘Maybe,’ he acknowledged wryly. ‘You can wash the dishes, as I cooked the food.’

  She was glad to be able to contribute something, having felt slightly superfluous. She couldn’t be a dead weight to him, or he would regret letting her stay with him.

  Adam relaxed in front of the fire while she was busy inside, the light having faded to darkness now, and the fireglow leapt across his bronzed features. He looked curiously lonely sitting there, a man totally independent of human warmth. But he was like that through choice, and after hearing of some of his experiences Katy couldn’t blame him.

  ‘I’m for an early night,’ he said when she rejoined him. ‘God, I wish I could sleep,’ he groaned.

  ‘Maybe you shouldn’t go to bed yet,’ she suggested gently. ‘Let’s talk a while, maybe that will relax you.’

  ‘Okay,’ he subsided back on to the seat. ‘Tell me about yourself.’

  She gave a shy, nervous smile. ‘There isn’t much to tell.’

  ‘Tell me what there is.’

  She told him about her doctor father, about how she was his receptionist. ‘It doesn’t pay much,’ she added ruefully. ‘But I enjoy it. I like meeting people, talking to them.’

  ‘You’ve never worked anywhere else?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Never really been away from your family before?’

  ‘No.’ That was why Gemma’s desertion of her to this stranger was so painful to her.

  Adam stood up. ‘You haven’t had much chance to grow up, Katy.’

  Why did he sound so angry? ‘I’m happy,’ she shrugged, frowning her puzzlement.

  ‘But you can’t stay cocooned by your parents for ever. You should try to get a little independence.’

  ‘By letting you photograph me nude?’

  ‘I told you I withdraw that offer!’ His eyes glittered with temper. ‘And any other offer I may have made to you. You’re exactly the sort of female I shouldn’t get involved with, the home-loving, family type. Before I knew where I was you’d have me married to you and tied to your apron strings.’

  Katy half-smiled at this unlikely description of him. ‘Only mothers tie you to apron strings.’

  ‘I don’t ever remember my mother wearing an apron. It was as much as she could do to admit she had a husband and child. There were always servants to take care of that sort of thing,’ Adam said scornfully.

  ‘You were an only child?’

  ‘I was a mistake!’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘My mother was furious because her body had to be ruined for nine months.’

  ‘Oh, it isn’t ruined!’ Katy protested indignantly. ‘Pregnant women are beautiful.’

  ‘Are they?’ he said in a bored voice.

  ‘Yes!’ she insisted fiercely.

  ‘You try telling my mother that. Better still, I’ll tell her the next time I see her. It should give her a good excuse to start an argument. We always argue,’ he explained carelessly. ‘That’s why we rarely meet.’

  ‘And your father?’

  ‘Dead,’ Adam revealed harshly. ‘He’s well out of it.’ He swung away from her. ‘I’m going to take a shower now. Give me five minutes, unless you don’t mind seeing a naked man. There wasn’t any room in my holdall for pyjamas—not that I ever wear them anyway.’

  ‘I’ll give you the five minutes.’ Her cheeks were hot with embarrassment.

  ‘I thought you might,’ he taunted. ‘Don’t wander away from the fire,’ he warned.

  ‘Are there bears here?’ Katy hoped her fear didn’t show too much.

  ‘Possibly,’ he shrugged. ‘So stay near the fire.’

  She had every intention of doing so. Adam had revealed a lot to her about himself today, most of it probably without realising he had done it, and she liked him a lot better for knowing what had made him into the hardened cynic he was. She had a vivid picture of a lonely little boy ignored by his mother and brought up by servants, and each successive woman in his adult life had helped to make his disillusionment with the female species complete. At thirty-six there was really no hope of changing that opinion; his bitterness prevented any woman getting close to him even if she were brave enough to try.

  Katy could see the outline of his body in the sleeping bag when she went in; the front part of the interior was already in darkness. She took her own shower, washing out her underwear and leaving it on the line in the small bathroom.

  ‘Goodnight, Adam,’ she called softly.

  ‘ ’Night, Katy,’ he murmured.

  Once she had turned the light out in her room it was very dark in the camper; the silence was eerie. Katy thought she was going to have trouble sleeping, but she soon found herself drifting off, her troubles forgotten until tomorrow.

  When the dream started she wasn’t prepared for it; her defences were down. It started quite tamely—the forest, the deer playing—and then they weren’t deer at all but a huge bear, a huge dark bear with claws a foot long. And it was coming towards her, nearer and nearer, those claws coming closer and closer. She tried to scream, but her voice seemed locked in her throat. And then her cry broke out, and she began screaming—and screaming—and screaming—

  ‘Wake up, for God’s sake!’ Rough hands shook her hard. ‘Katy, wake up!’ an authoritative voice ordered.

  Her eyes blinked open, deeply grey, her bewilderment making her appear dazed. Adam sat on the side of her bunk, his denims pulled hurriedly on, but otherwise he was naked. His dark hair was ruffled from where he had been lying in bed, but he looked just as weary as he had earlier, evidence that once again sleep had eluded him.

  ‘Adam…’ she swallowed hard. ‘I— It— I’m sorry. It was the bear.’

  He gave a heavy sigh. ‘Your imagination has been working overtime.’

  She shuddered, collapsing against him. It wasn’t until their bare torsos met that Katy remembered she had been forced to sleep naked. She tried to pull away and cover herself, but Adam refused to let her go, and if anything his arms tightened about
her. Katy gave up fighting, needing his warmth and understanding.

  ‘It was coming towards me,’ she began to tell him, ‘on its hind legs. And it was tall and—and so big that—Oh God,’ she shivered with reaction, ‘it was awful!’

  ‘I can imagine,’ he said dryly, pushing her away from him. ‘Will you be able to sleep in here now?’

  Her eyes were wide and frightened. ‘You won’t leave me?’ she pleaded, the dream still too much a reality.

  ‘No, I won’t leave you. But there isn’t room for both of us here, we’ll both sleep in my bed.’

  ‘Oh no, no, I couldn’t. It—’

  He ignored her protests, picking her up in his arms, sleeping bag and all, and carrying her through to put her on the bed over the driving compartment. ‘Don’t argue, Katy,’ he climbed up beside her. ‘And I should close your eyes, I’m going to take off my denims.’

  ‘Oh.’ She turned away. Adam had only been a vague outline in the darkness, the blue of his denims making his thighs invisible. She felt a movement beside her and knew he had climbed into his own sleeping bag.

  ‘You can turn round now,’ he mocked.

  He lay back on the pillow looking at her, and Katy’s own vision became clearer as she became accustomed to the gloom. She frowned. ‘Your sleeping bag is bigger than mine,’ she complained.

  ‘That’s because I have two zipped together. Now go to sleep.’

  ‘It’s very cold, isn’t it?’ Her teeth chattered.

  ‘Very.’

  ‘You don’t want to talk, do you?’ she sighed.

  ‘No. I want to sleep,’ he said fiercely, ‘but I can’t.’

  ‘Still?’

  ,Yes!’

  ‘I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?’

  ‘What a damn stupid question! Just stop talking and go to sleep,’ he groaned.

  ‘Sorry.’ Katy snuggled down under the covers. But she couldn’t get warm, the sudden awakening seemed to have made her more sensitive to the cold.

  She tried to keep still, not wanting to disturb Adam if he had managed to fall asleep, but it was difficult not to move when she was shivering. Suddenly he moved beside her, turning to begin pulling down the zip on her sleeping bag.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she demanded.

  ‘Calm down, Katy. You’re coming in with me.’

  ‘I am not!’ She tried to push his hands away. ‘I’m not getting in there with you!’ Oh, it made her senses swim just to think about it.

  ‘You damn well are,’ he said grimly. ‘There’s no point in both of us being awake. Your problem is that you’re cold—okay, I’ll warm you.’

  ‘You can’t,’ still she fought-him. ‘I—I don’t have any clothes on.’

  Adam became suddenly still. ‘That bothers you?’

  ‘Well, of course it does!’

  ‘Okay,’ he sighed, climbing down on to the floor. ‘Don’t move, I’ll be back in a minute.’

  Katy almost started screaming again as something white and ghostly wavered in front of her eyes. When Adam appeared beside it she calmed down again. ‘What’s that?’ she asked shakily.

  ‘My shirt,’ he smiled. ‘It should reach down to your knees.’ He climbed up next to her. ‘You forgot to look the other way,’ he taunted.

  ‘You didn’t give me the chance to,’ she said crossly. ‘But you can turn away while I put this shirt on.’

  It didn’t take her long, and although it didn’t quite reach her knees it did go down quite far, the neck gaping open, the sleeves turned back.

  Adam peered at her in the gloom. ‘Very sexy,’ he grinned, throwing back the top cover. ‘In you come!’

  Katy was glad of the darkness to hide her embarrassment as she got in beside him, feeling his arm go about her shoulders as he pulled her down on to his chest. But still she couldn’t relax, conscious of his bare legs next to hers, her arm lying awkwardly across his stomach.

  ‘Lie still,’ he growled as she continued to fidget. ‘I’m not immune to your—charms, you know. You should have realised that by now.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, going rigid.

  ‘Just relax,’ he sighed. ‘Are you feeling warmer?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said huskily.

  ‘So am I,’ he told her throatily. ‘But not for the same reason.’ His arms tightened about her as she went to move away. ‘Stop being so nervy, I’m not about to leap on you.’

  ‘I’m not comfortable,’ she muttered.

  ‘All right, that’s it, you’ve had your chance.’ He removed his arms. ‘If you aren’t going to try and sleep, I am.’ He moved down until his head rested on her breasts, his arm going about her waist. ‘Goodnight,’ he yawned sleepily.

  Within minutes she could tell by the even tenor of his breathing that he had fallen asleep. A feeling of gladness washed over her. Adam needed to sleep, needed to wipe out the bitterness that had engulfed him while he was away. And knowing he was asleep she was able to relax herself, finally falling asleep.

  They were even more entwined when she woke the next morning, Adam’s legs over hers, their bodies turned in to one another. She had no idea of the time, but she let Adam sleep on, knowing he needed the rest.

  The first she knew of him being awake was when his lips probed the softness of her breast. He lifted his head as she gasped. ‘Good morning.’ Devilment played across his hard features.

  ‘Hello,’ she returned shyly.

  He placed a light kiss on her parted lips. ‘Thanks, Katy,’ he was serious now, ‘I’m grateful.’

  She needed no explanation for his gratitude, knowing that he had slept soundly in her arms all night. ‘That’s all very well,’ she said briskly, ‘but how are we going to get out of here?’ The intimacy of the close confines of a camper were even more intimate when she shared them with Adam.

  His eyes were deeply caressing. ‘Do we have to?’

  ‘I—Yes,’ she told him firmly. ‘We have to.’

  His arms fell away. ‘In that case I suggest you get out first. While you’re in the bathroom I’ll get dressed.’ His voice was as cool as hers had been.

  That was easier said than done, as the shirt gaped open at a vital moment and gave Adam a clear view down the length of her naked body. That he took full advantage of the opportunity was obvious by his smile.

  ‘Stop ogling!’ she snapped once she was down on the floor.

  ‘I was right about that shirt on you, it is sexy.’

  ‘Lecher!’ She flounced off into the bathroom, her head held high as she heard him chuckle.

  She thought of him as she washed. He was more relaxed this morning, the lines of weariness beside his nose and mouth erased, the pallor beneath his tan no longer in evidence. And she had slept beside him all night! She blushed just to think of it.

  ‘Come on out of there,’ Adam knocked on the door, ‘or I’ll come in,’ he threatened.

  She clutched the shirt in front of her. ‘There isn’t room in here for two people.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ he taunted. ‘It could be quite cosy.’

  ‘I’ll be out in a minute,’ Katy promised.

  Her underwear was still slightly damp, but as she had nothing else she had to put it on. After two days of wear her denims and jumper were beginning to look a bit tatty too. Still, she had no other clothes, so these would have to do.

  Adam was fully dressed by the time she emerged, the dark growth of beard on his chin showing that he needed a shave. ‘I like my bacon crisp and my coffee black,’ he said in passing. ‘You’ll find most of the things you need in the fridge.’ He closed the bathroom door after him.

  Katy was left gaping. His good night’s sleep had just made his wits sharper. By the time he joined her, newly washed and shaven, she had his bacon crisp and his coffee black.

  ‘You’re not a bad cook.’ He sat back replete. ‘That’s two uses you have.’

  ‘Two?’ she queried.

  ‘You make an excellent pillow. At least, part of your anatomy d
oes. I never realised how comfortable it was to lie like that.’

  Katy’s cheeks were scarlet by this time. ‘I’m sure you’ve done it plenty of times before.’

  ‘Sure,’ he ate the last of his toast, ‘but like Goldilocks found with the Three Bears’ chairs, they were either too soft or too hard—yours were just right. ‘By “yours” I meant—’

  ‘I think I know what you meant,’ she cut in, making a great clatter as she collected the dishes together, ‘and I don’t care to discuss it. Needless to say it won’t be repeated.’

  ‘Not even if you get cold again?’

  Her mouth compressed. ‘Not even then,’ she said firmly. ‘Your turn to wash the dishes.’

  Katy treated him like a polite stranger once they were on the highway again, expressing admiration for the scenery, even amazement for the Athabasca Glacier which reached almost down to the highway. Adam told her that years ago the Glacier had actually crossed over the road, but that it was slowly retreating.

  ‘Do you want to stay at a motel?’ he asked as they approached the town of Jasper.

  She thought of the dollars she had with her, of the substantial hole buying clothes was going to make in their number, and shook her head. ‘There’s no point when we have our accommodation right here.’ She used the excuse Gerald had used to Gemma.

  ‘I was thinking of you,’ Adam surprised her by saying.

  ‘Me?’

  ‘You’re embarrassed about being here alone with me.’

  She blushed. ‘I’ll get used to it.’

  His hand gripped the steering-wheel until the knuckles showed white. ‘I can’t guarantee that every night will pass as innocently as last night,’ he revealed harshly. ‘Last night I was exhausted, I went out like a light when you held me in your arms, but I’m refreshed now,’ he took a deep breath, ‘and it’s been some time since I took a woman.’

  Katy gasped at his bluntness. ‘I have confidence in your control,’ she told him coldly, not liking the thought of him in bed with some faceless woman—and hating the fact that it bothered her. She mustn’t become involved with this man, she would only end up getting hurt, while he would walk away without a second glance.

  ‘That’s more than I have,’ he muttered. ‘But if you’re sure that’s what you want…’