No Longer a Dream Read online

  'I've been going frantic!'

  'I'm sorry,' she said dazedly. 'I didn't mean to worry you.'

  'Well, you did that,' her friend snapped.

  'It's about ten degrees bellow out there, you didn't go to your sister's as you said you were going to and you ask why I was worried about you!' Vikki glared.

  'I didn't notice the cold, and I didn't feel like going to Sue's once I got out,' she explained patiently. 'And now I think I'll go to bed—'

  'You can't do that!' Vikki protested, pulling at her arm. 'His smile isn't as cold tonight, his expression isn't quite as remote, but I've still bored him out of his mind trying to make polite conversation!' She told Cat forcefully.

  All the colour drained from her face. 'Caleb…' she managed to gulp. 'He's here?'

  Vikki nodded quickly. 'In the lounge. And, Cat, he looks awful,' she groaned. 'Much worse than on the television earlier.'

  Caleb was here. Not somewhere private with Deanna, but here in her home, waiting for her. Nothing else was important. 'I'll go to him.' A glow began in her eyes, although she was aware that his visit here tonight could mean nothing. But it could also mean everything, and that was what she was hoping for!

  'Cat,' Vikki touched her arm. 'Good luck.'

  'Thank you,' she smiled tremulously.

  'No matter when he leaves—if he leaves,' Vikki amended ruefully, 'I want you to come and tell me what happened!'

  She nodded, taking a deep controlling breath before entering the lounge. Vikki was right, Caleb did look awful, those beautiful dark eyes full of shadows, deep lines etched into his face. He looked thinner, too, and so utterly weary.

  He stood up as she closed the door behind her to lean back against it, the dark suit he had worn earlier in the day replaced by an open-necked blue shirt and tailored blue trousers.

  She had had only her memories of him since her time with him in Scotland, not even her dreams returning, and she drank in the sight of him, wishing she could lay in his arms now and banish the unhappiness from his face and heart.

  But she didn't move, couldn't move.

  'How have you been?' he asked gruffly.

  She moistened her suddenly stiff lips. 'Fine,' she nodded abruptly. 'Er—how's Luke?'

  'Very well. He sent his regards.'

  'Really?' she frowned. 'That was nice of him.'

  Caleb's mouth twisted. 'Wasn't it?' he drawled.

  'I—er—I was sorry about your father,' she told him awkwardly.

  He nodded abruptly. 'Your flowers arrived today. Thank you.'

  How could two people who had made love together act like stilted strangers? It didn't make sense, and yet Cat knew she was as guilty of it as Caleb was.

  'How's Norm?' she asked politely.

  'Coping,' he derided.

  'And—and your wife?' She kept her expression deliberately bland.

  His eyes narrowed. 'You saw her?'

  'On the television earlier,' Cat nodded.

  He gave a deep sigh. 'Deanna is the same as she always was, beautifully made up for the cameras! She liked my father no more than he liked her, but for Luke's sake I couldn't make a scene about her being there today.'

  'I see,' Cat nodded.

  Caleb frowned. 'Her being there had nothing to do with me,' he rasped.

  'It's really none of my concern even if it did,' she pointed out gently. 'I—I was just a little surprised to see her there, that's all,' she dismissed lightly.

  'So was I,' he admitted ruefully. 'But I didn't come here to talk about Deanna or Luke, and certainly not my father's funeral,' he frowned. 'I stayed away as long as I could, Cat, but I need you so much.'

  'Need—me?' she repeated dazedly. 'How can you say that when—' She broke off, chewing on her bottom lip, knowing Caleb had gone through enough this last week without her hurling recriminations at him.

  'When?' he prompted softly.

  'It doesn't matter,' she shook her head, avoiding his gaze.

  'Yes,' he insisted huskily, 'Yes, I have a feeling it matters very much.' He took her in his arms, moulding the length of her body to his. 'Cat, you have to realise how much I need you,' he insisted urgently.

  She looked at him with pained eyes. 'How can you say that when you pushed me away like you did?' she said, voicing the reason for that pain.

  'When?' he encouraged softly.

  'When your father—God, I'm so sorry he died.' Her mouth trembled emotionally. 'I liked him.'

  'He liked you, too. And he approved of you as the woman I love.'

  'You don't love me,' she denied. 'You can't.'

  'Only a fool would say that, Cat,' he gently chided. 'And you're far from being that.'

  'Thank you!'

  He smiled. 'God, I've missed you and the way you can make me laugh,' he groaned. 'The last week has been—bleak,' he grimaced.

  Her expression softened at the weary look to his face. 'Caleb, I love you.'

  'I know,' he told her gently.

  Indignation flared in her eyes. 'I only knew it myself the night we made love.'

  'Did you?' he mused. 'That was the night I realised it, too.'

  'How?' she demanded.

  His smile was gentle now. 'Because of the way you were with me. Cat, no woman had ever given herself to me the way you did that night. I realise I shouldn't mention those other women now, but it's because of them that I knew how different it was with you. I wanted you physically from the starts but I also want to protect you, watch you grow round with my children, to love those children, grow old with you.'

  Cat drew away from him. 'All that is sharing,' she said slowly.

  He frowned at her withdrawal. 'Yes.'

  'Just the good things, Caleb?' she rasped.

  'I don't understand,' he shook his head.

  Perhaps not, but she suddenly did, had realised what he had done as soon as he said he wanted to protect her. 'What about the painful things in life, Caleb? Or is that what you intend protecting me from?' she prompted softly.

  'If I can,' he acknowledged harshly.

  'That was why you sent me away on Sunday, wasn't it?' she sighed. 'Caleb?' she prompted again.

  He swung away from her. 'You've already been through enough,' he rasped. 'I couldn't ask you to go through my father's death with me. I wouldn't have taken you anywhere near him if I'd thought it could have happened while you were there.' His eyes were pained. 'Not after Harry.'

  'Caleb.' Cat moved to stand against him, her arms about his waist as her head rested on his rapidly rising and falling chest. 'Darling, I love you, and your pain is my pain, even the pain of losing someone you loved.' She looked up at him. 'I so much wanted to be with you then.'

  'My father said you would feel that way—yes, he was able to talk a little before he died,' Caleb said softly at her surprised look. 'He told me you were strong enough to be at my side.'

  'Then you also know that I know—'

  'About my mother?' He nodded.

  'Do you know why he told me about that?' She looked at him anxiously.

  He nodded. 'Do you?'

  'Because of Harry,' she acknowledged. 'Because after what Luke had told him about Harry he wanted me to realise that I had chosen to live after Harry died, that I had fallen in love with you and now had a responsibility to that love.'

  'Did it work?'

  'You know it did.' She smiled at him tremulously. 'Although I was already half-way to acknowledging that fact without any prompting from anyone.'

  'Dad just wanted to make sure you got the final push in the right direction,' Caleb said drily.

  'By telling me about your mother,' she sighed. 'I can't ever write about that, you know,' she groaned. 'It's too personal.'

  'Dad knew that,' he smiled.

  'He did?' Her eyes were wide.

  'Of course,' he drawled. 'He knew you were in love with me, and he knew I was in love with you. He took a risk on the newest member of the Steele family not wanting to betray his secret.'

  'But I—Steel
e family?' she repeated gruffly.

  'I'm trying to ask you to marry me, Cat,' he grimaced. 'But I'm not doing a very good job of it,' he acknowledged drily. 'I don't have my father's gift with words, or Luke's brashness in going after what he wants, and I seem to have made a complete hash of protecting the only woman I've ever loved—'

  'When she didn't need protecting,' Cat told him sternly, love shining in her eyes.

  'When she didn't need protecting,' he conceded huskily. 'But I do love you, so much, and I would very much like you to be my wife.'

  'Like?'

  He grinned. 'I told you I don't have a way with words. But, I might add, you aren't too forthcoming yourself.'

  'Sorry?' she frowned.

  'With words. One little one to be precise,', he encouraged softly. 'And please make it a yes!' he groaned his need of her.

  Her expression was one of extreme tenderness. 'You know it's yes. I love you, I want to grow round with your children, to love those children, to grow old with you. But most of all I want to share everything with you, the sadness as well as the happiness. Maybe when I met you I was avoiding all emotional involvement,' she conceded. 'Believed that if I didn't get involved again I couldn't be hurt. But falling in love with you changed all that, made me feel alive in a way I never want to end.'

  'I should have known you would feel like this,' he groaned, holding her in his arms. 'You're too real yourself to accept anything but reality, even if it is a painful one. I'm sorry if I misjudged the situation with my father. I needed you so damned much today!'

  She gently touched his cheek. 'I love you even more for trying to shield me from that,' she assured him. 'But I won't break.'

  'I know that now.' He spoke into her hair as he held her to him. 'When will you marry me?'

  'As soon as it can be arranged,' she said without hesitation. 'But how do you think Luke will react to us wanting to get married?' She frowned her uncertainty. 'I seem to remember he wasn't too happy at the idea of having a stepmother at his age, and I don't want to be the cause of any more friction between you.'

  'Luke and I have talked out a lot of things the last week. It's going to take him a while to get over his grandfather's death, but he will get over it. He knows how I feel about you, and I'm sure he won't cause any friction. He—' Caleb broke off, frowning down at Cat as she began to chuckle. 'What's so funny?' he asked quizzically.

  'Luke's face when I begin to "grow round" with your baby,' she giggled. 'It should be a sight worth seeing. If he thinks he's too old for a stepmother wait until we present him with a baby brother or sister!'

  Caleb's eyes gleamed his own amusement. 'Catherine Howard, soon-to-be-Steele, I think you've developed a vindictive sense of humour.'

  'Wicked, isn't it?' she grinned.

  Caleb sobered, his eyes devouring her. 'God, I'm glad Luke put you in my bed that night,' he said intensely. 'I don't think I could live without you.'

  She knew she had only begun to live again when she fell in love with him. And her dreams were no longer just that: all of them were very real.

  'You have a delicious body, one of the most perfect I've ever seen—and I'm in the mood for you right now!'

  The sharp slap on the flesh of Cat's bottom caused her lids to fly open, and she turned instinctively towards her husband, returning the passion of his good morning kiss before languidly kissing the warmth of his naked shoulder. As she did so her gaze was caught by the clock on the bedside table, her expression panicked as she pulled away from Caleb. 'Lucy shouldn't have slept this long,' she told him frantically. 'Something must be wrong—'

  'Nothing is wrong.' He pulled her back down to his side. 'I got up and gave her a bottle over two hours ago.' His lips caressed the creamy length of her throat.

  'You should have woken me,' she chided, although the worried tension left her body as she relaxed against him.

  'There was no need to now that you're no longer feeding her yourself.' His mouth closed possessively over one turgid nipple.

  Cat knew that he had missed this intimacy during the four months she had been able to feed their daughter herself, that he had indulged himself shamelessly since Lucy had been weaned on to a bottle.

  Their eighteen months of marriage had agreed with them both, their beautiful daughter born five months ago, contrarily with Cat's green eyes and Caleb's dark colouring. Already she was charming all those about her, and Cat knew that the closeness Caleb had with both his children was doubly precious to him after the way he had almost lost Luke, the two men closer than they had ever been.

  'Where is Lucy now?' she managed to gasp before she fell completely under her husband's sensual spell.

  'Luke and Vikki took her for a walk,' Caleb murmured in a preoccupied voice. 'To give us old-timers a rest, he said,' he recalled in amusement. 'But he soon took that back when Vikki pointed out that you and she are the same age.'

  Vikki and Luke had met at their wedding, and since that time a casual relationship had developed between them, deliberately kept that way by Vikki, her friend had confided to Cat. Luke had matured a lot the last eighteen months but, after the end of her casual relationship with Sam, Vikki wanted to be sure of him before committing herself to anything permanent between them. Cat was sure it was too late for that, the two of them obviously in love despite the five years difference in their ages, had started to tease Vikki about being her daughter-in-law!

  Cat smiled up at Caleb. 'So we're all alone in the house,' she said invitingly, their nakedness reflected above.

  'Except for a housekeeper, a couple of maids, four cats, and a dog,' he nodded mockingly. 'I know,' he acknowledged indulgently. 'You want our daughter to grow up in a happy domestic atmosphere. I just think keeping all of Sunny's kittens was a bit extreme.'

  'She wouldn't have been happy if we had given them away,' Cat protested.

  'Don't you think that right now we should be concentrating on making Mr and Mrs Steele happy?' he said throatily.

  'What a lovely idea.' She moved into his arms, knowing that her reality with Caleb was better than any dreams could be: also knowing that if Harry could see the happiness she had known the last eighteen months as Caleb's wife that he would be happy for her, that he had helped make her the vibrantly beautiful woman she was today, the woman that was Caleb's love as he was hers.