Only Lover Read online

  ‘Jealous, you mean?’ Nigel relaxed back on the bench seat of their booth, his checked shirt unbuttoned and tucked carelessly into his faded denims. ‘I could be, but I don’t know if I have the right. We’ve never agreed not to date other people.’

  ‘No—no, we haven’t.’ She licked her lips nervously. ‘You’re right, I did have a date with someone else.’ Her milk-shake remained untouched in front of her.

  ‘Anyone I know?’

  Anyone he knew! She could have laughed at the irony of the question. Of course he knew his own employer! She shook her head. ‘I—I doubt it,’ she lied.

  Nigel pursed his lips. ‘I see. Did you have a nice time?’

  Farrah laughed nervously. ‘You’re very serious tonight, Nigel.’

  He shrugged. ‘I’m interested, that’s all.’

  ‘In that case, yes, it was quite nice.’

  ‘Did you go anywhere new?’

  ‘Just a nightclub, nice for a change, but not really that exciting.’ The nightclub hadn’t been exciting, but the man with her certainly had been. Any other man paled into insignificance when compared to Joel, and much as she liked Nigel he could only ever be a friend to her now—if he would let her be once he found out about herself and Joel Falcone.

  ‘You aren’t going to tell me, are you?’ His cup clattered back into the saucer, and he looked at her accusingly, his blue eyes blazing his anger.

  Her eyes widened at his sudden anger. ‘T-tell you what?’

  ‘Oh, come on, Farrah, I gave you every chance to tell me. I asked you leading questions, and then I asked you outright, and still you don’t tell me. I know who you were out with on Thursday. I know, Farrah!’

  ‘Then why ask me?’ Her eyes sparkled.

  ‘Because I wanted you to tell me yourself, to tell me it wasn’t true, that there’d been some sort of mistake! There’ve been plenty of people to tell me of your affair with Joel Falcone, plenty of well-meaning vindictive people who thought I should know.’

  ‘Then you’ve known all the time! Why didn’t you just say so instead of tormenting me like this? Yes, I saw Joel on Thursday! And I’m not ashamed of it!’ And miraculously she wasn’t any more. She loved Joel, and it wasn’t an emotion she would hide and feel guilty about any longer—except to the man himself. She could never betray her feelings to Joel, he wouldn’t want her love, it was an emotion he didn’t recognise. He said he knew desire and indifference, and he wasn’t indifferent to her, he couldn’t be after that incident yesterday morning.

  The other kisses he could blame on proof of their affair, but they had been alone in the hallway, and his desire had been all too evident. Surely that was a start, something for her to cling to. And at the moment she needed something very badly. She felt as if she were slowly going under, with no way out of the situation but pain and misery. Perhaps she was, but once Joel had his emotional and financial freedom from Laura Bennett he would drop her too. She had to make the most of this short time spent in his company.

  Nigel looked defeated. ‘So this affair with him is serious?’

  ‘Yes,’ she agreed huskily.

  ‘Then I may as well drop out of the picture. Once you have someone like Joel Falcone in your system it’s a hell of a job to get them out, and I don’t think I’m the man to do it. You like me, but you love him.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Nigel, really sorry. And I’m also sorry you had to find out this way.’

  ‘It’s all right, Farrah, you don’t owe me anything.’ He stood up. ‘I think I should take you home now. Don’t you?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes.’ There was nothing else she could say.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘WHERE were you last night?’ Joel asked coldly. ‘I telephoned you about nine o’clock and your father said you were out. I got a very cool reception from him altogether.’

  ‘What did you expect?’ Farrah snapped. ‘My father dislikes this supposed relationship intensely, and makes no secret of the fact.’

  ‘I gathered that,’ Joel said dryly.

  He had called her at the office today and the two of them were now sitting in a nightclub similar to the one they had visited on Thursday, and with Joel equally well known by the other patrons. Farrah was wearing a long cotton flower print skirt, complemented by a cream cotton lace top in a gypsy style and finishing shortly at the waist. Joel’s eyes had darkened appreciatively when they had met, but the look was quickly masked.

  ‘Can you blame him?’ she asked tautly. ‘You can’t expect him to welcome you with open arms.’

  ‘I don’t expect him to hate me either.’ He was his usual relaxed and cynical self, having made no mention of their stilted parting on Sunday morning, and she was reluctant to do so. What did it matter anyway, nothing they said or did to each other meant anything.

  ‘Because you gave him a second chance? Oh, he’s grateful for that, but he can’t help thinking I’ve sold myself to you for twenty-five thousand pounds,’ she smiled bitterly. ‘Quite a lot of money to pay for the body of one skinny teenager.’

  Joel’s jaw tightened and a pulse beat angrily in his throat. ‘Your body is not for sale! And you are not skinny. Your body is beautiful—I should know.’ His mouth had a bitter twist to it.

  ‘How can you bring that up?’ Farrah demanded tearfully.

  ‘Why not?’ he sat forward, his powerful shoulders blocking out the rest of the room, leaving his face the only thing in her vision. ‘I can remember quite clearly what your body was like; smooth, and creamy, and infinitely kissable.’

  Farrah shivered at the seduction in his voice. ‘Stop it!’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to listen to any more!’

  ‘You may have to, Farrah. I wanted you. A fleeting emotion, but true nonetheless.’

  Her eyes flew open to stare disbelievingly into the sleepy passion of Joel’s narrowed eyes. ‘You—you wanted me?’ she repeated tremulously.

  ‘Yes.’ His hand covered the nervous movements of hers. ‘Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t,’ he smiled mockingly. ‘I don’t usually make love to women I find unattractive.’

  She gasped. ‘You didn’t make love to me!’

  ‘No, but I could have. It was too soon, that’s all. And it wasn’t the right time for us.’

  ‘It will never be the right time! Your mistress had just left the house after—well, after finding us together. And you were thinking of making love to me!’

  ‘What else should I have been thinking of? All I could see or feel was you.’

  ‘I hate you, Joel Falcone!’ she told him in a furious whisper. ‘You and your desire or indifference! I wish you felt indifference! I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again now, I will not be used! Now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to leave.’

  His hand tightened painfully on hers. ‘I’m not ready to go yet.’

  Her head flicked back angrily. ‘I didn’t ask you to. I’d rather go alone.’

  ‘Oh no, you don’t, Farrah,’ he said tautly. ‘You’re not running out on me at the first obstacle.’

  ‘You call wanting me an obstacle! I call it downright frightening.’

  ‘This isn’t the first time you’ve called me frightening. I don’t understand the emotion.’

  ‘You don’t understand any emotion! That’s the trouble.’

  ‘I’m not the emotionless automaton you think I am. I thought I’d effectively proved that.’ His words were self-derisory.

  ‘All you proved was that you react normally to the female body. Congratulations!’ she taunted, more hurt than she cared to admit. Joel had admitted finding her attractiveness enough to want her, but that wasn’t what she wanted! She couldn’t let him make love to her just through desire, it was against everything she held sacred.

  ‘I didn’t need you to prove that,’ Joel said harshly.

  ‘I know that. Look, Joel, we can’t continue with this now, not now I know how you feel. I couldn’t pretend—not knowing you, actually—I just can’t do it any more!’
<
br />   ‘Now that’s a shame, because I think I’m going to find it easier.’

  Farrah wrenched her hands out of his grasp, wishing he would move away from her and let her think straight. ‘I can’t do it, Joel!’

  ‘No one’s going to force you to do anything you don’t want to,’ he said calmly. ‘You aren’t indifferent to me, Farrah, you never have been.’

  She stood up. ‘I’m leaving. I won’t stay here and listen to any more of this!’

  He stood up too. ‘And you aren’t leaving without me either. We have a bargain, remember? And I aim to keep you to it.’

  ‘Please, Joel, leave me alone.’

  ‘That’s the one thing I don’t intend doing. Sit down, Farrah, and we’ll talk.’ He watched her through narrowed eyes as she slowly did as he asked, and then sat down himself. ‘I had a telephone call from Laura today.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘You did?’

  Joel lit up a cheroot before answering. ‘Mmm. Very interesting it was too.’

  ‘What—what did she say?’ Farrah tried not to sound too interested. Joel was deliberately being evasive to make her curious. And the worst of it was, he was succeeding!

  ‘Do you really want to know?’

  ‘Of course I do. I’m involved in this too, remember?’

  He gave a tight smile. ‘I’m glad to hear it, for a while back there I thought you’d defected.’

  ‘Joel! You’re being infuriating!’

  ‘Another of my faults. Laura wanted to know if you were still around. She even offered to stop interfering in my business life if I finished with you. She must think it’s serious.’

  ‘She— She did that? What did you say to her?’

  ‘What do you think I said? I only said business life, Farrah, her other plans still seem to be intact. And I’m not in love with her, I never have been. I should have realised this partnership was a mistake from the beginning, I just never expected her to take advantage of it. I don’t like blackmail,’ he said grimly.

  Farrah gave an inward sigh of relief. She couldn’t bear it if Joel went back to that she-cat. Laura Bennett was too much like Joel himself for them ever to be happy together; both were over-confident and arrogant, much too arrogant for their own good. But with the right person Joel could be different altogether, with someone he loved …

  ‘You haven’t answered my question yet. Where were you last night?’

  ‘Out,’ she answered stubbornly. ‘I don’t question your whereabouts when you aren’t with me.’

  ‘I’d tell you if you bothered to ask me. I have nothing to hide. But you do. You were out with your boy-friend, weren’t you, this Nigel you’ve been dating?’

  She couldn’t miss the dangerous glint in his steely blue eyes. ‘And what if I were? It’s nothing to do with you.’

  ‘Nothing—! Good God, Farrah! I won’t let you see him!’ he declared haughtily.

  ‘You can’t stop me, Joel,’ she told him defiantly. ‘I—I—I love him!’ The words were spoken before she could stop herself. She looked at him, stricken. How could she have said such a thing? It was an unforgivable lie.

  His grasp on her wrist was so painful she almost cried out. ‘I don’t believe you, Farrah. Tell me it isn’t tr—’

  ‘Joel! I didn’t realise you were here.’ A hearty voice cut Joel off in mid-sentence, and they looked up to see the same man who had spoken to Joel the last time they were out for the evening. He came to stand next to their table, looking down at Farrah with frankly admiring eyes. ‘And the beautiful Farrah,’ he added deeply.

  ‘Simon,’ Joel returned tightly. He nodded to Simon’s companion. ‘Stella,’ he added stiffly before looking back at Simon. ‘I’m surprised you remember Farrah.’

  Simon laughed softly. ‘Couldn’t forget her, much too charming to forget. I wish I knew where Joel’s been hiding you,’ he said to her alone.

  Farrah blushed at his obvious interest in her. ‘Why don’t you ask him?’ she suggested throatily, being deliberately provocative and watching Joel’s face darken with anger at her action. If she didn’t know better she would have said he was jealous. But that was a ridiculous idea, Joel didn’t care enough about any woman to feel such a possessive emotion. ‘Why don’t you join us, Mr—?’ she raised an eyebrow enquiringly.

  ‘Just call me Simon,’ he grinned at her, ignoring Joel’s scowl. ‘And we would love to join you, wouldn’t we, Stella?’

  The petite blonde had her china blue eyes fixed on Joel as he regarded her with mocking humour. ‘Love to,’ she replied huskily, seating herself in the vacant chair beside Joel as Simon sat next to Farrah. ‘Order us all a drink, darling,’ she told Simon.

  ‘Sure. Joel?’ Simon stopped a waiter and gave him their order before turning to Farrah, moving closer to her and resting his arm along the back of her chair. ‘So where have you been all my life?’ He smilingly held her gaze.

  ‘Avoiding you, I should think,’ drawled Joel.

  ‘Joel darling,’ Stella demanded his attention, ‘you didn’t come to my party on Saturday. It was quite flat without you.’

  Farrah’s mouth tightened as she saw the other girl’s hand rest fleetingly on Joel’s thigh. She had invited this couple to join them to make Joel angry, but it seemed to be having the opposite effect. He now seemed calm and mocking and she was the one getting angry, jealously so. Was this Stella another of Joel’s women? Each one seemed to be more beautiful than the last, beautiful and sexy.

  Stella was the sort of petite blonde Farrah had always wanted to be. The gown she wore was very thin and sheer, and Farrah felt sure the other girl wore little beneath it. Its blue colour perfectly matched her blue eyes, her matt complexion owing little to make-up and her lips were full and pouting.

  Joel lit a cheroot, watching Stella through narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t tell me you actually noticed my absence,’ he said lazily.

  ‘But of course I did. Where were you?’

  ‘I went to the country for the weekend.’

  Simon attracted Farrah’s attention by touching her hand. ‘Do you live in London, Farrah?’

  She wrenched her eyes away from the couple now huddled together, their conversation continuing in murmurs. ‘Yes,’ she answered him distractedly. ‘I live with my father.’

  ‘Do you work?’

  She gave a light laugh. ‘I’m not one of the idle rich, if that’s what you mean.’

  ‘So what do you do?’ Simon seemed totally engrossed with her, and she had perforce to answer.

  ‘I—’ she glanced uncertainly at Joel, but he wasn’t listening to them, a lazy smile on his face as he listened to the animated Stella. ‘I work in an office. Nothing very exciting, I’m afraid.’

  ‘You’re exciting enough.’

  She laughed at his effusive compliment. Simon was a sophisticated man in his own right, probably only two or three years Joel’s junior, and yet he was the type of man Farrah could handle, with none of the dangerous charm Joel possessed. ‘You’re flattering me.’

  ‘Not at all. You can always rely on Joel to come up with someone new and exciting.’

  The smile faded from Farrah’s lips. She didn’t like being grouped with the many passing affairs Joel had participated in. ‘I’m not new and exciting, I’m just an ordinary girl.’

  Simon looked disbelieving. ‘Not if Joel is interested in you.’

  ‘And what makes you think he is?’

  ‘This is the second time I’ve seen you with him, once is enough to know if he likes you or not. Believe me, he likes you.’

  ‘Believe me—he doesn’t. Do you dance, Simon?’

  He looked startled. ‘I shuffle about a bit, which is all you can do on the floor space here. Are you asking me to dance, Farrah?’

  ‘I—I suppose I must be.’ Now what was she doing! Her tongue seemed to be running away from her this evening, and it was all to infuriate Joel. The couples dancing together here were as close as the other evening and she wondered what she had let herself in for,
as Simon made no secret of his attraction to her.

  ‘Do you realise, even though this is supposed to be the time of equality, that this is the first time a woman has asked me to dance?’ He glanced at Joel. ‘Is he going to mind?’

  Nothing he said could have made her more determined. ‘Why should he?’ she asked carelessly. ‘I’m capable of making my own decisions.’

  ‘Okay then.’ He stood up, holding out a hand to her to lead her on to the floor space, ignoring the sharp look directed at them from a stern-looking Joel. ‘Excuse us,’ he said swiftly.

  He didn’t hold her as close as Joel had, but it was close enough for her to feel uncomfortable in his arms. She pulled away slightly, and Simon looked down at her. ‘Are you annoyed with Joel about something?’ he asked curiously.

  Farrah’s eyes met his. ‘What makes you think that?’

  Simon laughed softly. ‘I’m not stupid, Farrah. Your interest lies solely in Joel, and yet you asked me to dance. At a guess I would say you were having a slight argument when we arrived on the scene.’

  She smiled unwillingly. ‘Was it so obvious?’

  ‘Only to me, I doubt Stella noticed anything. And if the looks Joel’s sending in my direction are anything to go by I should say he’s regretting it ever happened. He won’t take kindly to my dancing with you.’

  ‘I don’t give a damn,’ she said obstinately.

  ‘Oh yes, you do. And I’m beginning to wish Rina would sing something with a bit more beat to it, at least if I danced away from you Joel might drop the scowl.’

  ‘Rina?’ Farrah queried.

  ‘I realise Joel may be riveting company, but surely you’ve noticed there’s a singer in here?’ he teased.

  ‘Oh—oh, yes,’ she blushed. ‘Don’t worry about Joel, he doesn’t care what I do.’

  ‘Don’t worry about Joel? You must be joking!’ He looked down at the bracelet on her wrist as her hands rested on his shoulders. ‘A present from Joel?’

  Her lips tightened. ‘Yes.’