Wish for the Moon Read online

  ‘Eve!’ he groaned as he pulled her on top of him, his hand cupping her nape as he brought her lips down on to his.’

  She winced slightly as the hardness of him pressed into her through his trousers, pulsing restlessly. God, he was so big, so hard, she—

  ‘What is it?’ Quinn frowned up at her as he sensed her sudden panic, searching the pallor of her cheeks. ‘Lise?’ he questioned uncertainly.

  She swallowed hard, could still feel him moving against her, the thin material of his trousers the only barrier against him thrusting between her thighs.

  ‘Lise?’ he prompted again, gently lowering her to the bed beside him, leaning across her to switch on the bedside lamp, his hands cradling either side of her face as he searched her darkened green eyes. ‘My God,’ he breathed slowly, his voice gruff with awe. ‘I wanted a night with you,’ he drew in a controlling breath. ‘But I won’t take that from you.’ He shook his head.

  ‘Quinn—’

  He gave a self-derisive groan, rolling on to his back, his arm across his forehead. ‘It’s all right, Lise,’ he comforted gruffly. ‘The—the pain—the need, will go. If—when you come to Canada I want you to bring your virginity with you.’ He sat up, moving away from her to sit on the side of the bed, deliberately not looking at her. ‘It’s the ultimate gift, isn’t it,’ he breathed raggedly as he stood up to pull on his white dress-shirt.

  Elizabeth watched him with pained eyes, slowly pulling the quilt over her nakedness. She turned to lean on her elbow, swallowing convulsively. ‘I—I seriously doubt I’ll ever come to you in Canada, Quinn,’ she told him truthfully.

  ‘All the more reason for me not to take your innocence.’ He thrust his shirt tail into his trousers, his hands shaking slightly as he did up the buttons.

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand you, Quinn.’

  And she didn’t. She had been his for the taking, willing, eager, would have forgotten that momentary nervousness once he began caressing her again.

  But he had been the one to draw a halt to their lovemaking, had had her at his mercy but chosen not to take her. Because he learnt of her innocence.

  He looked at her with darkly disturbed eyes, picking up his jacket to leave. ‘Maybe this will help you.’ He paused at the door. ‘Six years ago I was attracted to a young girl who couldn’t accept me for what I was when I fell off the pedestal she had placed me on. When I arrived here less than a week ago I was instantly attracted to Elizabeth Farnham, didn’t realise at first that Lise and Elizabeth were the same woman. By the time I had realised it, it was too late to change the way I feel about both of them; I can’t take your virginity, Lise, because I’m in love with you.’ He quietly left the room.

  She stared at the closed door, her disbelief showing in her eyes.

  Telling her he loved her hadn’t ‘helped’ at all!

  CHAPTER TEN

  ELIZABETH stared at the birthday card as if it were about to bite her.

  She had opened all her cards in complete innocence of the shock that was to come, hadn’t really been all that interested in them, although she appreciated people’s thoughtfulness in remembering her. But finally turning twenty-three hadn’t seemed very important to her, just another miserable day, the last in a long line of many since she and Quinn had parted almost three weeks ago.

  As usual, seeing her aunt and uncle had been pleasant, the three of them enjoying her visit. After a week she had come home, only to find that Quinn had left two days earlier. She had been pleased he was gone, she told herself, but as the days passed and she longed to see him again, she knew she was lying to herself.

  And now he had remembered her birthday. The front of the card depicted the mountains he loved, and the message inside was brief and to the point, ‘We’re waiting. Quinn’.

  Waiting for what? She still hadn’t worked out what it was he wanted from her, what that single ‘term’ was that he expected of her. She did know she wanted to see him again, that the ache he had left her with hadn’t lessened, that the pain hadn’t gone away, as he had said it would. But there was no future for them if she did go to him, there never could be.

  She put the card away in her bag before her grandfather saw it, knowing he would question the message inside it if he were to read it.

  He had been concerned about her since she came back from her visit to Portugal, she knew that, had worried when she had stopped seeing Giles and began to spend all her evenings at home. She didn’t want to worry him, hated to see that puzzlement in his eyes as he looked at her when he didn’t think she was aware of it. But what could she tell him to reassure him, certainly not that she was in love with a man she could never be happy with!

  And so she didn’t tell him anything, and was more tense than ever this last week since she knew the concert filmed at the Hall was to be screened on Saturday. She didn’t want to watch it, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself, drawn as if by a magnet to watch Quinn, even if it were only on a television screen.

  Her grandfather joined her just as the concert was about to start, giving her a smile as he made himself comfortable in the chair opposite hers.

  Quinn looked so relaxed as he came out on the stage to thunderous applause, making it impossible to believe he had been so tense only minutes before at the house.

  He had the audience in the palm of his hand from the first song, telling them of the love he had known yesterday, a spring love that hadn’t lasted until summer.

  Elizabeth gripped the side of her chair as he softly told the audience at the end of the song that it had been for ‘a very special woman in his life, called Lise’.

  Her mind was racing as she sensed her grandfather’s questioning gaze on her, remembering the words of the song, suddenly realising that she had been spring when he first met her, that she was summer now. And Quinn believed she no longer loved him. Or, at least, not enough.

  That was it! Quinn had told her there was only one condition to her going to him, and now she realised what it was; she had to love him enough to trust him, with that love, and over what had happened to Fergus. He had told her he hadn’t had an affair with Terri, at her aunt’s house or any other time, and despite what she had overheard, she had to love him enough to trust he told her the truth.

  Did she love him enough for that?

  ‘Elizabeth—or should I call you Lise?’ her grandfather gently interrupted her tortuous thoughts. ‘Why don’t you go to him?’

  She looked up at him with pained eyes. ‘It isn’t that simple,’ she choked, shaking her head.

  ‘Do you love him?’

  ‘It isn’t that simple either!’ she dismissed derisively. ‘If it were I would be with him now.’

  Her grandfather looked at her frowningly, sitting forward to turn down the volume on the television set. ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’ he asked her gently. ‘I told you, I’m ready to listen at any time.’

  She gave a ragged sigh. ‘Maybe I should tell you,’ she nodded. ‘My thoughts and feelings are so muddled I don’t know what to do any more!’

  ‘Start with how Quinn happens to call you Lise,’ her grandfather prompted softly after the lengthy silence.

  She gave a wan smile at his perception, finally finding the strength to begin talking, telling him about her first meeting with Quinn six years ago, about Fergus and Terri, about Quinn and Terri, and all that had come after that.

  Her grandfather listened without comment until she got to the end, not even interrupting when she explained how she had realised she still loved Quinn. Although he did frown a little when she told him that Quinn had admitted to loving her too.

  ‘He wants me to trust him, Grandfather,’ she concluded in a shaky voice. ‘And I’m just not sure that I can.’

  Her grandfather released a ragged breath. ‘I understand your reaction to my decision to allow the concert to be held here now,’ he said ruefully. ‘But aren’t you assuming rather a lot about what took place in Canada five and a half y
ears ago?’ he encouraged gently.

  She sighed. ‘I didn’t imagine hearing Quinn and Terri together in his room that night.’

  ‘But Quinn has already told you that she didn’t spend the night with him,’ he reminded. ‘Lise—I might as well call you that if everyone else is going to—’

  She shook her head. ‘Only Quinn. And I’m still not sure I’ll ever see him again,’ she added bleakly.

  Her grandfather sighed. ‘What you felt and saw six years ago was the love and reaction of a young girl,’ he explained softly. ‘You fell in love with an idol—you did, Lise,’ he insisted gently. ‘You didn’t see the man so much as the star. And when that star fell to the ground and became no more than another vulnerable human you were more than willing, in your disenchantment, to believe the earth he had fallen to had tarnished him. Maybe you did hear Terri in his bedroom that night—’

  ‘Oh, I did,’ she remembered harshly.

  ‘But you went back to your own room, have no idea what happened next. How do you know he didn’t throw the young baggage out and she spent the rest of the night with your cousin?’

  ‘Quinn said she must have done that…’ she recalled uncertainly.

  ‘Then I believe him,’ her grandfather said without hesitation.

  It was amazing, her grandfather had spent barely a week in Quinn’s company, and yet he trusted the other man’s word implicitly. Why couldn’t she be that sure?

  ‘Darling, don’t look so stricken,’ her grandfather encouraged raggedly. ‘All of this happnened when you were very young and impressionable, when black was black and white was white. I happen to think you would have been able to deal with it better when you were older, when you had time to consider what sort of man Quinn is. But in between your cousin’s death and your full maturity you received another blow that made you doubt the sincerity of all men.’ His expression was grim.

  ‘Learning who my father was,’ she realised slowly.

  ‘And how he had ignored your existence since birth,’ her grandfather added harshly. ‘Your feelings for Quinn were never allowed to mature, to be seen through the more knowledgeable eyes of a woman. If they had you would have realised that he isn’t the type of man to betray a friend, that he’s a man who has been hurt himself in the past.’

  And he certainly wouldn’t have wanted to cause another man the same sort of pain of betrayal he had known from his wife!

  He had tried to explain to her, to make her realise that, and she had once again chosen to misjudge him! Oh God, she had known all the facts, Quinn had told her the truth as much as his pride would allow, and she had refused to see it for what it was!

  ‘What do I do now?’ she cried as she ran across the room to her grandfather’s waiting arms.

  She didn’t doubt any more, could see past the pain of her own father’s betrayal, and knew that Quinn’s only fault concerning Fergus’s death, his only regret, had been that he hadn’t been able to prevent it happening.

  Her grandfather patted her back soothingly as she sobbed. ‘I would say you call up the airport and get yourself booked on the first available flight to Canada.’

  ‘What if he no longer wants me?’ she choked.

  ‘Quinn is the type of man who will “wait” for ever if he has to,’ her grandfather assured her ruefully. ‘And I insist on being there for the wedding,’ he added sternly. ‘I’ve missed most of the other important events in your life, I don’t intend to miss that one.’

  She gave a watery smile. ‘Quinn has never mentioned marriage,’ she reminded huskily. ‘I think his first marriage soured him for the relationship.’ She hadn’t held anything back from her grandfather a few minutes ago, knowing that none of it would go any further.

  ‘The man isn’t a fool,’ her grandfather derided. ‘He isn’t going to let a woman like you escape him!’

  ‘I think you may be biased.’ She gratefully took the handkerchief he handed her, blowing her nose and drying her eyes.

  ‘He’ll marry you,’ her grandfather said with certainty. ‘And I expect the first child to be named after his grandfather,’ he added arrogantly. ‘And for him to come and take over here.’

  Children. How she longed to give Quinn children, a son that looked just like him, another daughter he could spoil. She knew, no matter what the truth was about Marni’s paternity, that she would always be Quinn’s first-born. But he would love the children they had together too.

  God, she had been a fool ever to believe that a man who would give up everything he possessed to claim custody of the daughter that wasn’t even his, a child that a lot of men would have rejected once they knew the truth, could have destroyed Fergus by his selfishness. There had to be another explanation, and she was finally ready to hear it. She couldn’t help but feel nervous about whether or not Quinn was still prepared to give it to her, despite what he had written in his card.

  * * *

  She had never been to Canada before, but as soon as she stepped off the plane at Calgary airport she felt an affinity for the country, probably because it was where the man she loved called home!

  It had been a long flight, a tense one for Elizabeth as she wondered what awaited her at the end of her journey, acceptance or rejection.

  Her grandfather had seen her off at the airport in London, full of reassurances that everything would work out fine. But those reassurances had faded as soon as she got on to the plane that was to take her to Quinn, and as each mile passed her doubts increased. Quinn had been hurt so much in the past by what his wife had done to him, she had openly scorned him and any explanation about his behaviour he had tried to make; he would be perfectly within his rights to reject her.

  Maybe that was why she had chosen not to tell him of her visit, hoping he would have more difficulty saying no to her if they were face to face.

  As she drove her hire-car along the highway that took her up into the mountains her trepidation grew. What if she couldn’t even get past the security that no doubt surrounded Quinn’s home? Maybe she should have called from the airport to let him know she was on her way. She was going to look very silly if the guards wouldn’t even admit her!

  It was too late now, she decided with new determination. If Quinn wouldn’t admit her she would just sit outside until he did.

  It wasn’t difficult to find the Taylor ranch as it nestled amongst the towering mountains, and as Elizabeth drove down the driveway that led to the main gate she could see she had been right about the security; two men blocked her path as she approached the wooden ranch-gate.

  They were dressed in uniforms that clearly proclaimed them security-guards, the elder of the two coming to stand beside the car as she wound down her window.

  ‘Do you have an appointment, ma’am?’ he enquired politely, although the muscles bulging in his arms and chest were a little intimidating.

  ‘Er—no—’

  ‘Mr Taylor doesn’t see anyone without an appointment.’ He began to shake his head regretfully, as if he were well accustomed to having to turn away over-eager fans who tried to crash the little privacy Quinn managed to grab for himself.

  He didn’t look as if he could be persuaded to make an exception in her case either! ‘Perhaps if you called the house,’ she looked pointedly at the radio clipped to the top pocket of his shirt. ‘And asked Mr Taylor if he would see—’

  ‘It wouldn’t do any good, ma’am—’

  ‘—Elizabeth Farnham,’ she finished awkwardly, realising her pleas weren’t going to get her anywhere with this man and his partner.

  But at the mention of her name the man’s attitude suddenly had a transformation!

  ‘I’m sorry, Miss Farnham,’ he apologised profusely, turning hurriedly to his partner. ‘Open the gate, Harry,’ he instructed tersely before his gaze returned to Elizabeth. ‘I had no idea who you were,’ he explained hastily. ‘Hurry it up, Harry,’ he ordered harshly while still smiling at Elizabeth.

  She frowned at this sudden change of attitude. ‘Mr T
aylor is—expecting me?’ she said uncertainly. Had her grandfather called Quinn after all and told him of her plans in spite of her request that he didn’t do so?

  ‘Not exactly,’ the man standing beside her smiled, his partner having opened the gate now. ‘We just have instructions to admit you at any time.’

  He didn’t add ‘night or day’, but she could clearly see the speculation in his eyes as she gave him a noncommittal smile before accelerating the car through the gate and up the driveway to the main house.

  Pine trees edged the road, their scent heady and clean. And because of their density along the driveway she didn’t see the ranch until she was almost upon it, her eyes widening appreciatively.

  It was a one-storey wooden structure, built from the same trees that surrounded it on every side, the sturdy trunks stripped and enmeshed to form a log-cabin effect. Except that this house was much larger than any cabin had ever been. It was an incredibly beautiful house, the trees only thinned slightly to one side of it to allow for the grazing of the half-dozen horses that watched her approach curiously. Even her untrained eye could recognise the two Arabians Quinn had spoken of owning, sleek, beautiful creatures with an arrogant stance that spoke of their breeding.

  She breathlessly recognised that she was wasting time, putting off the moment when she had to face Quinn; she had flown all these thousands of miles to see him, unsure of whether or not he would want to see her after all, and now she was trembling so badly she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to get out of the car and walk up the steps to the front door.

  ‘Elizabeth!’

  She turned sharply at the excited greeting, relaxing slightly as Marni came exuberantly towards her. Obviously the guards had radioed the house and told them of her arrival. So, where was Quinn?

  Marni hugged her as she got out on to the driveway, and she returned the greeting warmly.