Hidden Love Read online

  Her parents noticed her listless behaviour, and her mother remarked on it after lunch. ‘Maybe you should have gone with Nick,’ she said gently. ‘Just this once.’

  ‘My exams—’

  ‘I know, dear,’ her mother nodded, ‘but you look so miserable.’

  ‘I’ll get over it,’ Rachel sighed. ‘And he’ll be back in two weeks.’

  ‘But only for a week. Still, at least next time you’ll be able to go with him.’

  Rachel looked down at her hands. She and Nick had never discussed her going with him, but if she had to watch him and Suzy Freeman together then she would rather stay here. ‘I don’t know if Nick wants that. He—he’s very busy, and he doesn’t like the distraction.’

  ‘Oh, but surely—-’

  ‘Maybe later on, Mum,’ she said awkwardly.

  ‘But—’

  ‘Leave them alone, Dorothy,’ her father interrupted sternly. ‘They can arrange their own lives.’

  ‘But, Jim, I was only—’

  ‘Leave it, Dorothy,’ he warned. ‘Or Nick will think he has an interfering mother-in-law,’ he added teasingly.

  ‘I’m only concerned for Rachel,’ she said indignantly. ‘It isn’t natural for a bride to be on her own two days after the wedding.’

  He shrugged. ‘Worse things happened during the war. And at least they can telephone each other, isn’t that right, Rachel?’ he eyed her questioningly.

  ‘Yes, Dad,’ she hurriedly agreed with him.

  Nevertheless, her father spoke to her alone before she left, while her mother was out in the kitchen.

  ‘Is everything—all right, Rachel?’ asked concernedly.

  ‘Of course.’ Her voice was brittle.

  A ruddy hue coloured his cheeks. ‘Your mother and I never talked to you about—well, about being married,’ he swallowed awkwardly, looking very uncomfortable. ‘By the time we thought we should talk to you about it they were teaching it to you at school. And quite frankly, Nick appeared to me the sort of man who would know how to treat an inexperienced bride.’

  Rachel was blushing too by this time. As her father said, sex was something that had never been discussed between them before. ‘He did,’ she said huskily.

  Her father nodded, as if he had never doubted it. ‘He’s a good man. You are happy with him?’

  ‘Yes, Dad,’ she laughingly kissed him on the cheek. ‘I’m just missing him, that’s all.’

  ‘Okay, pet,’ he smiled. ‘And you come and see us any time you like, as often as you like. To tell you the truth, it’s a bit quiet around here without you. Your mother misses you dreadfully.’

  ‘Maybe you should have another baby,’ she teased.

  ‘At our age!’ he scoffed. ‘No, we’re quite happy to wait for our grandchildren to come along.’

  That might not be too far in the future, if her father did but know it!

  ***

  The next two weeks dragged by, with no word from Nick, not even a postcard telling her when he would be back. Her time was ably filled that first week, in the day at last, the exams taking up most of her time. But the second week college came to an end, and she found time really dragging, the occasional afternoon shopping with Hilary or her mother being her only outings.

  Not that she ever bought anything! She might be Nick’s wife, living in his home, but he had made no arrangements for her to receive any money to feed or clothe herself. She had a small amount of money saved, not much, having been at school most of her life, but she used that to buy food and pay the bills.

  As far as she knew Nick was due back some time on Monday, so she could use the last of her savings to get food in for his return.

  Although it was only nine o’clock on Sunday evening, she was already in bed when she heard the key in the lock. Nick! It had to be Nick.

  She scrambled out of bed, forgetting her hurt at his silence of the past two weeks, and ran out into the hallway, uncaring of the scantiness of her short nightgown as she stared hungrily at Nick. He looked tired, pale beneath his tan, with lines of weariness about his eyes.

  He hadn’t seen her yet, and he dropped his suitcase on the floor, discarding his black leather jerkin before turning. He halted in his tracks. ‘Rachel…!’ he breathed softly, as if surprised to see her there.

  Rachel licked her lips nervously, unsure of how to greet him. ‘Hello,’ she finally answered inadequately.

  He quirked a mocking eyebrow. ‘No welcome home from my wife?’

  ‘Of course,’ she nodded jerkily, coming forward to kiss him lightly on the cheek. ‘Welcome home.’

  ‘Can’t you do better than that?’ he taunted.

  Anger started to burn within her. After two weeks of not even so much as a telephone call he calmly walked back in here and expected a hero’s welcome! ‘Yes, I can do better,’ she said tightly, and moved out of his arms. ‘Were they hard tournaments? Did you have to play hard to win in Boston? Congratulations on the win, by the way. You must be exhausted. Why don’t you go into the lounge and I’ll bring you a cup of coffee.’

  Nick looked exasperated by her behaviour. ‘Rachel, what the hell are you babbling about?’

  She gave him a cool look. ‘I’m not babbling, I’m acting as a wife should. We’re supposed to ask the husband about his work when he gets home. Admittedly he hasn’t usually been away for two weeks, but—’

  ‘Rachel, will you shut up,’ he growled. ‘Please!’

  She gave him a startled look. ‘P-please?’

  ‘Yes,’ he grimaced. ‘Shut up and let me kiss you.’

  Rachel was determined to be withdrawn, not to respond, but as on their wedding day she was powerless to resist him. Tonight his desire was ceaseless, seeming to draw the very soul from her before he took them both over the edge into ecstasy.

  When Rachel woke she was once again alone, only this time she could hear noises in the flat, telling her that Nick was still here. She hugged herself pleasurably as she thought of the week they would have together this time.

  Nick came back into the room wearing a towelling robe, scowling heavily. ‘There’s no food in the fridge.’

  Hot colour flooded her cheeks. ‘I—I was going to go shopping tomorrow,’ she explained lamely.

  ‘But there’s no food now, Rachel!’

  ‘No,’ she acknowledged huskily.

  His eyes narrowed. ‘Why isn’t there?’

  She swallowed hard. ‘I—because—well—’

  ‘Well?’ he prompted.

  Rachel propped herself up on her elbows, not noticing how provocative her naked breasts appeared to her husband. ‘You didn’t leave me any money for food,’ she snapped. ‘In fact, you didn’t leave me any money for anything. The man downstairs on the desk brought back some cleaning of yours, and the milkman wanted paying. I had no idea how much you normally paid for those things, so I—I gave them their money.’

  ‘You borrowed from your parents?’ he said grimly.

  ‘Certainly not!’ She would never admit such a thing to her parents. ‘I used my savings.’

  ‘But you ran out?’

  ‘Yes,’ she nodded awkwardly.

  ‘When?’

  ‘Well, I still have a few pounds, but I was going to use that to get some food in the morning, so that we could have a nice meal when you got back.’

  ‘When did you stop eating, Rachel?’

  ‘I—’

  ‘When?’ he demanded harshly.

  She shrugged. ‘I haven’t stopped eating, I’ve just cut down.’

  ‘I can see that,’ he snapped tautly. ‘I could feel that. Why didn’t you call me, Rachel? I left you the number where I could be reached.’

  ‘In an emergency!’ Her eyes were stormy.

  ‘And you didn’t think your starving to death was an emergency?’ he thundered.

  ‘I’m not starving—’

  ‘Aren’t you?’ His gaze raked over her critically. ‘God, you were thin enough before, now you’re skeletal!’

&nbs
p; ‘I’m slim—’

  ‘You’re all skin and bone!’

  ‘And whose fault is that? I’m sorry,’ she cried as he blanched. ‘I’m sorry, Nick. I didn’t mean that.’

  ‘Why not?—it’s the truth,’ he said grimly. ‘First thing tomorrow morning I’m going out to buy food, then when you’ve eaten enough to get your strength back—’

  ‘I’m sorry if my performance wasn’t good enough,’ she choked, tears in her eyes.

  ‘You were exquisite—as usual,’ Nick ground out, and came to sit on the side of the bed, his gaze searching as it roamed slowly over her flushed face. ‘Don’t cry, Rachel.’

  The one sure way to guarantee that someone cries is to tell them not to! Rachel buried her face in her hands as the tears cascaded down her cheeks.

  Nick pulled her gently against him. ‘I’m sorry, Rachel,’ he murmured into her silky hair. ‘I never gave money a thought.’

  She gave him a watery smile. ‘Rich people seldom do.’

  ‘No,’ he agreed ruefully. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry. And straight after breakfast I’m taking you to the bank to arrange a joint account.’ He smoothed her hair back from her face, drying her tears. ‘I wish you had called me, Rachel.’

  ‘I thought you wouldn’t want me to bother you,’ she revealed shyly.

  His expression darkened, his hands gently caressing her shoulders. ‘Never think that again,’ he said huskily, and his mouth lowered to one pert nipple. ‘God, I missed you,’ he groaned against her heated flesh.

  ‘Nick…?’

  ‘I missed you!’ He silenced her surprised gasp very effectively with his mouth on hers.

  Rachel awoke next morning to the mouthwatering smell of bacon and eggs and fresh coffee, and she stretched languidly in the bed just as Nick came into the bedroom carrying a tray. He placed the bedtable across her legs, revealing bacon, eggs, and tomatoes, lots of toast, a bowl of marmalade, and a steaming pot of coffee.

  She looked up at him gratefully. ‘You shouldn’t have done this. I could have cooked breakfast.’

  He sat down on the side of the bed as she began to eat. ‘Not without the food. I went out this morning and got some groceries.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘You must have been up early!’

  ‘Hmm,’ he agreed ruefully. ‘My timing is all out from the flight. I’ve already eaten,’ he refused as she offered him the toast. ‘Once you’ve finished that we’ll go out.’

  It felt strange to hear the bank manager calling her Mrs St Clare; only the commissionaire to the apartments, and the milkman, had called her by that name so far, the latter somewhat sceptically, she had thought. But with Nick introducing her as his wife no one dared doubt it.

  As there had only been a week left of college she hadn’t informed anyone there, except Hilary, of course, of her married status. After all, by the time she returned in September it could all be over!

  Nick took her out for lunch, and the two of them talked over the matches he had played while he had been away. He had won the tournament in Boston, but the one in Washington he had been knocked out of during the quarter-finals.

  He shrugged. ‘You win some, you lose some.’

  ‘Do you win many?’ Rachel asked interestedly, finding that tennis was a subject they could talk about without arguing.

  ‘A few,’ he answered consideringly. ‘Although it gets harder all the time. Apart from the fact that you had no money, were you all right while I was away?’ he asked intently.

  Delicate colour heightened her cheeks. ‘I don’t know anything yet, if that’s what you mean.’

  For a moment Nick looked startled. ‘No, that isn’t what I meant,’ he rasped.

  ‘Oh!’ Rachel looked confused.

  ‘How did your exams go?’ he asked.

  ‘Er—fine.’ She was totally thrown by his interest, especially after the argument they had had when she had decided to stay in England to take the exams.

  Nick quirked an eyebrow. ‘Think you passed?’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘You won’t be able to carry on with college if you’re pregnant, you know.’

  ‘I do know,’ she nodded. ‘But just this one year has been helpful.’

  ‘What did you intend doing with the subject?’

  Rachel shrugged. ‘Maybe starting my own business one day. If I ever got enough money,’ she joked.

  Nick sipped the chilled white wine which was all he had drunk with his meal. ‘If this doesn’t work out I could—’

  ‘No!’ she refused sharply, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

  ‘No?’

  She shook her head. ‘If it doesn’t work out I’ll leave this marriage the same way I came into it, with nothing.’

  Nick’s mouth twisted. ‘You say that now…’

  Rachel paled, the enjoyable morning they had spent together suddenly fading away. ‘I feel sorry for you,’ she scorned, the image of a hurt little boy she had been carrying around with her all morning disappearing in the face of his derision. He might have suffered as a young child, but his adoptive parents had shown him plenty of love, and Kay adored him, and he had no reason for bitterness now. ‘You mistrust everyone!’

  He stood up. ‘Only clever little girls like you, my dear,’ he drawled. ‘I have to leave you now—’

  ‘You do?’ She hoped her disappointment wasn’t too obvious.

  It appeared not; Nick looked at his wrist-watch. ‘I have a practice session this afternoon.’

  ‘But we haven’t had a honeymoon yet!’

  His eyes mocked her. ‘We have, but I’ll remind you of it later. I practise for a couple of hours every day, even when I’m not playing. I have to.’

  ‘And will Miss Freeman be at this—practice session?’ she asked coolly.

  Nick shrugged. ‘She usually looks in.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘I doubt it,’ he derided. ‘I’ll be home in time for dinner.’

  She childishly told herself she didn’t care if he never came back, but she knew it wasn’t true. Nevertheless, her coolness towards him lasted through dinner, a coolness Nick treated with amusement. The moment they got to bed it became obvious why, as her body melted into his in complete surrender.

  Their life fell into a pattern over the next few days. Their mornings were spent together—more often than not in bed; Nick spent the afternoon at the court, and then their evenings were spent together too. It was a tranquil and satisfying existence, and Rachel dreaded the time he would go away again.

  They had dinner with her parents one evening, and she could tell that they really liked her husband. And Nick seemed to like them too; his voice was genuinely warm and friendly when he spoke to them.

  All too soon Saturday came around again. Nick’s flight was another early morning one. He had made no mention of taking Rachel with him, and she had been afraid of rejection if she suggested it.

  ‘I want to come to the airport with you in the morning,’ she told Nick as they lay in bed together on Friday night.

  He grimaced. ‘I don’t like goodbyes, I never have.’

  ‘I noticed,’ she said dryly.

  His mouth quirked mockingly. ‘I know a much better way of saying goodbye than with words.’

  ‘Nick—’

  ‘You’ll like this goodbye, Rachel,’ he murmured, his body covering hers.

  When she woke in the morning she was once more alone, only the smell of Nick’s aftershave lingering on the pillow next to her and his hastily discarded robe telling her the last week hadn’t been a dream.

  Or a nightmare! She had at last realised what that threatening shadow was. She had fallen in love with her own husband, loved him deeply; she only felt truly alive when she was with him!

  She had known she felt strongly about him, known it wasn’t just physical attraction as she kept telling herself it was, but that she would come to love him more than life itself she had never guessed.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  THE next week dra
gged by even slower than the last time Nick had been away, and Rachel’s loss was all the more acute because of her accepted love for him. From the moment she had met him, even when she had thought him to be Kay’s husband or live-in lover, she had been totally aware of him. Her love had grown without her even being aware of it, and it came as something of a shock to realise how dependent she was on him, emotionally.

  That first week without him was an agony of loneliness, and she often woke during the night clutching the pillow in her arms. It was then that she cried, then that she knew when this marriage ended she would be devastated.

  When Kay invited her round to dinner on the Saturday she was pleased to accept; she was tired of her own company. As last time, Nick had made no effort to call her, only this time the silence was worse.

  But being with Kay and Richard Lennox wasn’t a good idea either. The normality of their marriage made a mockery of her own; the only level she and Nick communicated on was a physical one. But the Lennoxes’ marriage was one of deep love and friendship, neither of which she and Nick had.

  ‘It really is too bad of my brother,’ Kay admonished, ‘going off and leaving you like this all the time.’

  Rachel shrugged, ‘He has to play.’ They had finished dinner and were now in the lounge, Eve snugly tucked up in her cot upstairs.

  ‘He doesn’t, but that’s beside the point. He could have taken you with him this time.’

  ‘Kay!’

  ‘I know,’ Kay acknowledged her husband’s warning, ‘I said I wouldn’t interfere. But I really think Nick should have taken Rachel with him, she’s finished college now.’

  ‘I’d just be in the way—’

  ‘Nonsense!’ Kay dismissed. ‘Suzy travels everywhere with Sam and Nick, and she doesn’t get in the way.’

  ‘I’m sure she doesn’t,’ Rachel agreed jerkily, standing up. ‘I think I’d better go now. It’s late, and—’

  ‘It’s only nine-thirty,’ her sister-in-law frowned.

  ‘I know, but I—I really have to go.’

  Kay frowned, joining her at the door. ‘Hey, was it anything I said? I mean, if it was, I’m sorry.’